I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
