My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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