There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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