He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We left the knife in your bed.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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