peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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