he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize