How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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