You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
