I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
