It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
