i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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