and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
