Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
