Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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