he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Randomize
