literally had 100 drinks last night.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
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