My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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