butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize