Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize