you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
