I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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