Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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