I am puke
Just invented taco cereal.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
