I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Life is so much better after having sex.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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