I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
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