are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize