Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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