I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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