U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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