if i can run in heels then i can drive
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
