You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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