I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
