1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
