Kiss
Puke
She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
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