Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
