it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
