Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Randomize
