gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
