I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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