i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
