Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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