What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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