so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
