I am full of burrito and curiosity
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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