I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He better not be in your backpack
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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