my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
