I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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