Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
