i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
