Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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