I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
