a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
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