What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize