The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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