never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
