dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
