Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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