Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
