I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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