I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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