she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
