On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
