Her vagina should come with caution tape.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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