tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
