my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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