I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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