my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
