i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
