I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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