why didn't you poke me back
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
