he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
