Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
tell me about the eggs
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