i may or may not be watching the land before time
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
