I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
