...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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