My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
