I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
